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I went to san fernando city today to do my last-minute shopping.  crazy of me, i knew i should have done all my gift-buying weeks before christmas, but i postponed it many times.  thus today, i was one of the thousands of shoppers littering the malls, stalls and even the sidewalks, practically jabbing each other in our race to pick out the best (and yet affordable) gift items before someone got them first.  despite the news on economic crisis and of filipinos getting poorer, the scene i witnessed today contradicted these claims.  geez, if you saw the money in the cashiers’ boxes, you’d say, “bah! humbug!” to the news!

i left my son at home since i was expecting the mob of people in every nook and cranny of san fernando and he is much safer with his lolas, even if one is the queen of panick and the other lives within the pages of books (weeheeehee, peace nanay and auntie sally!). 

after making sure i looked okay and not the least presentable among the crowd (i could not forgive myself if i were, and erick would not too, hehehe), i walked out of jollibee (where i ate a simple lunch of burger steak) to the sidewalk with a merry heart.  i actually felt good because i, too, had caught the bug of christmas, and i felt all merry and, well, christmas-sy.   

however, that feeling didn’t stay with me for long.  after a few steps from the doors of the most famous food chain in the philippines, i saw a woman leaning on the wall outside Jollibee.  she was all dirty, looked pale and was coughing really hard.  i think she was in her twenties, but she looked way beyond her age.  but it was not her that caught my attention and took my breath away.  it was the little girl she was holding in her lap.  oh how the sight of that baby broke my heart.  she was a such small thing, crying her heart out, begging for something to be given to her.  i had no idea what she wanted, or why she was crying, but as a mother, i knew that that little girl was in pain.  maybe because she was sick, or she was hungry, or her mother chose a very hot and bright spot to beg.  i saw them and i was at a loss on how to help them except to give money.  “thank you ma’am,” said the mother as she didn’t expect the amount i handed her.  i wanted to tell her to spend the money wisely as it was to be used to buy for things my son needed. but i didn’t because i didn’t think the woman would hear me.  she was there to beg and not to listen to a stranger giving unsolicited opinions.

i thought i had done my part with beggars that time.  i went on with my shopping, hopping from one mall to another, trying to find cheaper items since a part of my budget had been chopped off.

but i was wrong.  this time, it happened outside another Jollibee fast food restaurant!  (is it just me or jollibee?).  and this time, it was a woman with a little boy in her arms.  same scene.  

they were begging by the sidewalk, though the woman looked stronger and much healthier than the first.  what tugged at my heart was how un-cared for was the child.  if i guessed it right, he was just a year old and he was already exposed to begging for money.  when i walked past them, the little boy was playing beside her mother.  was he happy?  he looked like it, i guess.  but happy or not, this boy should not be out in the streets asking for alms.  he should be safely playing in his own home, though how humble it may be.  he should not have wounds in his scalp and dirt all over his body!  he should be wearing briefs or shorts or pajamas, and not sitting on the dirty sidewalk butt-naked! 

if my encounter with the woman and her little girl brought out so much pity in me, this second one filled my heart with anger.  how could a mother subject her child to this sorry condition?  she was perfectly healthy and was not missing any limb nor joint, was not blind nor deaf!  she could find work if she wanted to.

but i gave them money just they same.  i couldn’t simply turn my back on the little boy.

farther down the sidewalk, only a few steps away, was a sorrier sight. 

another woman was holding a sleeping infant (one to three months old, i think) in her right hand, while her left held a plastic Jollibee glass that she was using to reach out to the passers by.  again, she was begging. 

the infant in her arm was oblivious to the crowd.  he was sleeping peacefully.  a closer look revealed a dark face and neck, while his arms and legs were of a fairer complexion. 

 it was obvious that the baby, young as he was, had been too much exposed to the different elements of sunlight, wind and pollution.  he was so tiny and sooo fragile he stole my heart.  i wanted to scoop him in my arms and bring him home with me where he could be cared for properly and lovingly.

by this time, i was raging mad at these people who, i think, use babies (maybe their own or maybe not) to get compassion from people; so that in turn, these people would give them money.  maybe i’m wrong to jump to this conclusion, but wrong or not, it is not proper to bring babies when begging, or in doing any work!  it’s not right!  these are little ones who need love, caring, clean and safe environment to grow up to.

for years, this had been the scene during christmas time.  these people/beggars know that the yuletide season brings out money, even from the most frugal filipino.  lets face it, we are loving people who want nothing more than making our loved ones happy.  and lets face it, one way to bring out smiles in our faces is when we receive gifts.  and christmas is the time for gifts.  thus, a lot are taking advantage of our celebration for the birth of Jesus Christ.

i had been seing the same scheme for the past christmases, people begging on the sidewalks while holding babies.  their faces may change, but still the same old trick in the book.

however, this year was different for me.  because i am now a mommy.  i now play the most important (and the happiest, most joyous, most fulfilling) role in life.  i am a mother.  and motherhood has been teaching me a lot of wonderful lessons in life.  when i look at my son, my heart fills with so much love.  when i hold enrickquito in my arms, i feel like i am holding the most precious treasure in the world.  my son has unknowingly filled my heart with love and compassion.

therefore, when during the past years i could easilly turn blind to these people asking for alms, this year, i could not.  because i see these babies, these precious little ones, i see my son.  i look at them and and i remember those times when enrickquito was just a few months old, how needy and dependent he had been and how fragile.  if i will not respond to these people, i will feel like i had abandoned my own baby.  i love my son so much that i cannot anymore ignore his kind - infants, babies, toddlers, little boys and girls. 

im not sure if i did the right thing by giving in to them.  some even say this was a syndicate thing, so i shouldn’t share my money.  i should not tolerate their scheme so that they will be forced to find work, instead of doing the easy way out - begging.  but today, after i shared my blessing to these beggars, i felt, somehow, good. if the money i gave, gave the little ones food for a day, then it did not go to waste.  i helped feed them, i fed my heart, i fed my son.